


Feel the Love and Give a Smile

by orphan_account



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gen, Neurodivergent Mabel Pines, Nightmares, Trans Dipper Pines, dipper centric? maybe?, grunkle stan is a good grunkle, this is technically pre canon? i don't know?, trauma processing, vague references to a barney the dinosaur rip off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-28 20:58:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14457609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The first day that Dipper and Mabel come to Gravity Falls -- before the gnomes, before the journal, before everything -- Dipper and Mabel are just two kids.The first day they're in Gravity Falls, they're just two kids who are unsure of their place, and Grunkle Stan is just Great Uncle Stanford who tries to lighten the load a little.





	Feel the Love and Give a Smile

_ I woke up this morning, _

_ The sunshine was shining _

_ I put on my happy face _

_ I'm living, I'm able, _

_ I'm breathing, I'm grateful _

_ To put on my happy face _

 

* * *

 

 

09/01/2005

 

_ “Mom says we’re getting ice cream. Put your shoes on!” _

 

_ The five year old, whose name would eventually be Dipper Pines, looks at his twin sister and whines a little, tugging at his little shoes listlessly. _

 

_ “I can’t tie them. You do it?” _

 

_ Mabel Pines grins, and bends down to lopsidedly tie his shoes. She hums as she does it, making the bunny ears and pulling them together. She stands up and puts her hands on her hips.  _

 

_ “All done!” _

 

_ The boy who would be named Dipper smiles at her, grateful.  _

 

_ “You’re so good at everything, Mabel,” he comments. Mabel laughs at that, yanking her own shoes on. _

 

_ “I know.” _

 

* * *

 

 

September first, 2005, was the worst day of Dippers life. 

 

Well. Weirdmaggedon came close, but in the end, it was only the second worst time in his whole life. Dipper would reflect on that later -- when he and Mabel were all snug on the bus headed back home at the end of the summer. 

 

But that’s another story.

 

This story starts June 21st, 2012. Dipper and Mabel, who had expected a summer full of video games and boys and absolutely nothing, are instead hurdled headfirst to visit their great uncle Stanford in the middle of nowhere, Gravity Falls, Oregon. 

 

“I don’t see why we have to go to for the whole summer,” Dipper grumbles, staring out at the horizon as the bus speeds past any resemblance of suburbia and dives headfirst into rural forests. His cheek presses against the glass and he feels the  _ rumble rumble _ of the bus on the rocky roads. “Wouldn’t just like, a week be enough? Or maybe even a month? The whole summer is kind of ridiculous. What were mom and dad thinking?” 

 

“Oh, cheer up, Dipper. It’s an adventure!” Mabel croons, jostling him with her shoulder until he gives a small smile. “Besides, you got the best sister in the whoooole world to back you up. We can have a ton of fun even if we’re in the middle of the woods. Ooh, do you think there’ll be a tree house? I’ve always wanted a treehouse.”

 

Dipper snorts, folding his arms. 

 

“Mom and dad would never let you in a tree house.”

 

“I know! But they’re not here! Maybe Grunkle Stan has a treehouse. Maybe he has a whole buncha tree houses!” Mabel starts to get more and more excited, bouncing in he seat. She’s sitting on her suitcase for the optimum riding experience. Dipper hums again. 

 

“There’s no way mom and dad would let us go to great uncle Stan’s house if he had a treehouse.” 

 

“Maybe they don’t know he has one,” Mabel suggests, still optimistic. “Maybe if I ask real nice, he’ll build us one.” She pauses, before she gasps, clasping her hands together. “Or maybe we’ll have bunk beds! I’ve always wanted a bunk bed.”

 

“There’s no way mom and dad would let us go anywhere near a bunk bed. You know that. And even if we did, they probably already told Great Uncle Stan that you’re not allowed on the top bunk.”

 

“But you’ll totally let me, right?”

 

“Totally.” 

  
Dipper looks at his watch as Mabel continues to babble. The bus still has a good hour and a half until their scheduled pull in, and there’s no telling if that’s going to be accurate or not. He sighs and rolls his head, staring at Mabel again. He worries his bottom lip. 

 

“Do you remember great uncle Stan at all?” 

 

Mabel hums, and then shakes her head. 

  
“Nope! The last time we saw him, we were like, what, three?”

 

“We were five,” Dipper corrects. Mabel hums and tilts her head, questioning. Dipper sighs and rubs his arm. “We were, uh, five. It was... right after our birthday,” and Dipper feels a little silly, because _of course_ Mabel wouldn’t remember anything right after their fifth birthday. Their parents hardly remember what happened after their fifth birthday. Dipper  _ himself  _ hardly remembers what happened the two months following their fifth birthday. 

 

He swallows. 

 

“Do you think... do you think mom and dad told him? About me? Do you think he’s gonna use my old name?”

 

Mabel blows a raspberry and bumps shoulders with her brother again. 

 

“Mom and dad would totally flip out if he uses your old name. And if he does, I’ll do the same thing I did to those eighth graders when we were nine.”

 

Dipper snorts and grins at her. 

 

“Kick his shins in?”

 

Mabel nods solemnly. 

 

“I’ll kick his old man shins so hard, he’ll be walking backwards.”    
  


And Dipper does laugh at that. He bumps shoulders with Mabel.

 

“You’re totally the best.”

  
“I know.” 

 

Dipper, despite Mabel’s endless optimism and not-so-subtle threats, is preparing himself for an entire summer of having to correct a crotchety old man constantly misgendering him. He has to be ready for that, because if he isn’t then that just means he’s gonna be hurt by the suddenness more. 

 

He doesn’t expect much. 

 

So that’s why, when they pull up to the Gravity Falls bus station, Dipper is absolutely assuming that he’s dealing with a worst-case scenario. He feels his heart pounding in his chest as the doors to the bus creak open and the two twins lug their suitcases down the aisle and step out into the bright sunlight. 

 

What he doesn’t expect is what happens next. 

 

Great Uncle (though since Mabel keeps calling him Grunkle, and it’s starting to catch on to him) Stan is a very broad shouldered, macho man. He towers over the two preteens, and instead of the old man clothes Dipper expects him to be in, he’s dressed in a sharp tuxedo, eyepatch slapped over one eye. He grins at the twins, and Mabel grins back. 

 

“Grunkle Stan!”

 

“Hey, kiddo!”   
  


Stan reaches out and ruffles against Mabel’s hair. Dipper hangs back, wary, as Mabel’s infectious personality bubbles to the surface.    
  


“Gee, you were a tiny thing the last time I saw you! What were you, three?”    
  


“We were five, Grunkle Stan,” Mabel chimes. Stan laughs again, and the gravely tone of his voice makes Dipper feel a little more at ease. The way he treats Mabel makes him feel better, too.    
  


He immediately snaps back to anxiety when Stan looks at him, though. He swallows and rubs against his arm, waiting for the fallout. Waiting for Stan to call him by the wrong name.    


  
Instead, Stan grins    
  


“And there’s my buddy boy, Dipper! How’s it been, short stuff?” He asks, reaching over and ruffling against Dipper’s hat roughly. Dipper splutters a little, and Mabel laughs at him. Traitor. Stan pulls back and Dipper adjusts the brim of his cap, trying to hide the smile on his face.     
  


Stan stands up and gestures for the two to climb in the car parked at the station, a boxy car that Dipper doesn’t know the name of. The license plate is cool, though.    
  


Dipper and Mabel pile into the back seat at Stan slides into the driver's seat, flicking the keys into the slot and turning on the engine.    
  


“You kids are gonna love it here,” he says as he pulls onto the road. Mabel is absolutely bouncing. “Fresh outdoors, tons of woods to explore, free labor...”    
  


“Free labor?”   
  


Before Dipper can ask, Mabel barrels over with a question.    
  


“Do you have a treehouse?”    
  


Stan glances back at the two through the rearview mirror. Something about his face tightens, a little, and Mabel’s face sobers.    
  


“Sorry, pumpkin. Got a strict “no tree house” policy from your folks. They don’t want you falling and hitting your head on accident.”   
  


Mabel’s smile presses into a thin line, and her eyes trail down to her lap as she clenches her fists. Dipper reaches over to hold her hand, and he’s just glad that she lets him. Grunkle Stan turns his attention back to the road.    
  


“But there’s plenty of other things to do! You got television, and there’s a diner just down the road, and there’s so many fireflies here that the whole night sky glows.”   
  


Dipper frowns at that.    


  
“But there are hardly any fireflies on the west coast.”   
  


“Maybe they’re fairies,” Mabel says with more than a little bit of wonderment, starting to bounce again. Dipper smiles as she begins to return to her happiness, and Stan makes a gruff noise up front. 

  
  
“Whatever you wanna believe, kid.”

 

And Dipper knows that Mabel  _ does  _ want to believe, so she  _ will _ , because that’s just the type of person Mabel is. Making the impossible believable.

 

He holds her hand the rest of the drive, and tries to ignore how her face seems to dim in the silence when she thinks no one is looking.

 

* * *

 

_ The time after their fifth birthday is hazy. It was only a few days after that Great Uncle Stan came to stay with Dipper, watching over him after kindergarten would let out each day at noon for two months, until after the Thanksgiving Play that the entire kindergarten class performed. _

 

_ It was just Dipper. _

 

_ Mabel wasn’t there after their fifth birthday. _

 

* * *

  
  


For some reason, Dipper isn’t surprised when Grunkle Stan pulls up to a house that is half tourist attraction, swarming with all sorts of people from all over the country that got suckered in here, and even  _ less  _ surprised that he and his sister wind up becoming pseudo-employees. It’s not like their grunkle can  _ make  _ them do much, and he’s definitely not paying them, but they both clean a little and do as their uncle asks, until Mabel gets bored and wanders away from what she’s supposed to be doing fifteen minutes in to do something else. She gets like that, and besides, she mostly finished cleaning the counter anyway so it’s probably fine. 

 

Dipper continues to be diligent, because they still technically know next to nothing about their great uncle, and Dipper would rather not cross his bad side. 

 

“Your sister seems to be doing okay.”   
  


Dipper glances at the hulking figure of his grunkle Stan, who’s leaning against the wall pretending to look at the customers, before glancing back over to where Mabel was “dusting” the merchandise while ogling some boy who was looking at postcards. His stomach grows a little cold and knotted, the same way that it always does when adults who don’t know anything talk about his sister. He knows what  _ seems to be doing okay  _  means in the adult world. He knows what that’s implying, and he doesn’t like it. Grunkle Stan doesn’t seem to notice his sudden silence, because he just continues.    
  


“I mean, after what happened when you two were kids, I rushed down to help. Had to take care of you while your dad worked and your mom stayed with her in the hospital. I didn’t know the first thing about taking care of kids, so I mostly just sat you in front of the television. I didn’t know kids could be entertained by the same three episodes of Baloney the Orange dinosaur.”    


  
He trails off. Glances at Dipper.    
  


“Do you remember that?”   
  


_ Of course he does, _ Dipper wants to snap. He remembers those two  _ awful  _ months  _ absolutely perfectly _ , because it was the first time in their entire first five years of life that Mabel and Dipper had been completely separated. Dipper wasn’t allowed to stay with her at the hospital after the accident. He wasn’t even allowed to see her. He had to start kindergarten without her. Mom was in the hospital all the time with Mabel, so Dipper spent the majority of the afternoons of those two months watching some old cassette tape that was Mabel’s favorite, and even though he had McDonalds for dinner almost every night, it didn’t feel the same without Mabel. The adults would always look at him sadly when he mentioned that he had a twin sister because  _ everyone _ knew little Mabel Pines was in the hospital with not much a chance at recovery. He would find his dad crying when he thought no one was around, and Dipper remembers the image of his father curled around someone big, with broad shoulders, being cradled like he was a baby, very vividly.

  
Dipper swallows.    
  


“No.”     
  


* * *

  
  


The rest of the day goes as smooth as can be expected. The first day is always the easiest, Dipper finds -- it’s always the day that’s a breather. 

 

That doesn’t mean that things are perfect, though.

 

Dipper watches Mabel carefully at dinner. Grunkle Stan tells them as a treat, they’re going to the diner, and so he piles the two of them in the car and they wind up at this restaurant made of logs. Mabel presses her hands against the texture of the walls and coos. She seems to be perking up, which is good, but Dipper knows better. 

 

It’s when they start to eat that Mabel begins to get anxious. She pushes all the tomatoes off her burger, and then the lettuce, and then the onions. Stan takes them without complaint and Dipper watches as Mabel sneaks her hands into the sugar packets and stuffs a few in her sweater. He doesn’t say anything, and Stan doesn’t notice, so in the end it’s okay. Mabel always takes sugar packets when she’s scared, she told Dipper once when they were eight and she got caught with twelve sugar packets in her pockets, because it makes her feel safe. 

 

She had taken at least eight by the end of the meal. And Stan, somehow, hadn’t noticed at all. Mabel leaves the empty sugar packets crumpled in the curve of the booth as they leave the diner, and she’s absolutely quiet.

 

It’s when they’re back in the car that Dipper bumps against her shoulder, voice lowering down to a whisper. 

 

“You okay?”

 

Mabel nods her head but she doesn’t look so sure. Dipper squeezes her hand and the two of them stay silent until they make it home. 

 

Dipper and Mabel climb up the stairs to the attic, and Mabel flops on her bed. Dipper slides onto the mattress parallel to hers, tilting his head sympathetically. 

 

“Bed already?”

 

Mabel nods her head, even though they both know that she hates sleeping. She didn’t even bother taking off her day clothes. Dipper has no idea how she manages to sleep in jeans but, lo and behold, she does. Dipper shimmies under his blankets. 

 

“Good night, Mabel.”

 

“Good night, Dipper.” 

 

* * *

 

Dipper wakes up around one in the morning to a scream, and then a bang. He blinks blearily, gathers his belongings -- the  _ who  _ and  _ what  _ and  _ where  _ he is -- before sitting up, to find two things. 

 

One, Grunkle Stan is standing at the door, flashlight in hand, an expression of terror on his face. 

 

Two, Mabel is crying and yelling in her bed, voice hoarse and flailing, little fists knocking against the headboard -- an all too familiar sight for the twelve year old. Dipper, like clockwork, slides out of his bed as Stan walks forward, switching on the light and illuminating the room. Dipper slides over to Mabel’s bed and sits next to her, shaking gently. She’s sleeping. She’s always sleeping when she screams. 

 

“Mabel. Hey. Mabel, you’re dreaming,” he says gently, careful not to touch too much. He pulls his hand away when her shoulder jerks, and she starts to whimper more. Stan stands there, dumbfounded. Dipper touches her shoulder again. 

 

“You’re just dreaming, Mabel. You’re just dreaming.” 

 

Slowly, slowly, Mabel’s sobs subside. She doesn’t wake, but her breath steadies, and Dipper knows that it’s over. He glances over to Stan, who’s looking… numb. Stan seems to snap out of it, though, as he takes a seat next to Dipper on Mabel’s bed. He looks at his slippers and Dipper has to fight to stay quiet. He wants Stan to leave and forget he ever saw that. Stan doesn’t seem to do what Dipper wants, though, which isn’t surprising. He glances at Dipper, and then at the calmed, sleeping Mabel, and then down again. 

 

“Was that… does this happen a lot?”

 

Dipper can’t help the exhale that escapes him. He jiggles his foot. 

 

“Yeah. It’s from… it’s from the accident. That’s what mom and dad think, anyway. She never had nightmares before.” 

 

Grunkle Stan grumbles. He stands, and gestures for Dipper to follow. The boy takes a last look down at his sister, to make sure she’s really calm, before he does. 

 

They slide out of the bedroom and Stan flicks off the light. They walk silently down the stairs and into the kitchen, and Stan reaches into the cabinet to hand Dipper a pop tart. Dipper unwraps it out of the foil and nibbles at the corners. Stan takes a deep breath. 

 

“That must be scary. Watching your sister have nightmares.”

 

Dipper shrugs. 

 

“She doesn’t ever remember them, so it’s okay.” 

 

Stan makes a noise of dissent. He glances at Dipper and frowns. 

 

“Doesn’t make it okay. Not for either of you.” 

 

Dipper sighs. He feels so heavy now. Like the entire earth had just been put in his hands. Stan makes another grumbling noise. 

 

“Can you tell me what you remember? About the accident?” 

 

Dipper feels a little vulnerable right now, hearing that question. But maybe that vulnerableness is what makes him want to talk. He takes a deep breath and stares at the ugly tile flooring. 

 

“It was a couple of days before school was supposed to start. We were supposed to get ice cream. I couldn’t tie my shoes so Mabel did for me. And we were walking with mom… and…” 

 

He doesn’t remember much from the accident happened itself. Mabel was holding his hand, and suddenly there was a  _ crack  _ and a  _ thud  _ and then she wasn’t. There was a lot of rushing, and crying, and there was a helicopter and an ambulance and Dipper watched as they took Mabel away on a stretcher. He was left with a neighbor as his mom went to the hospital with her, and he didn’t get to see her for two months after that.

 

He swallows. 

 

“I remember she wasn’t supposed to walk again. Or talk, or… nobody knew what was going to happen. She wasn’t supposed to be able to do things with me anymore.” 

 

He looks down at his half eaten pop tart and feels like he’s saying things he isn’t supposed to. They don’t talk about the accident much, at least, not so frankly. Not even Mabel talks about it. 

 

Stan hums. 

 

“Sounds about right. I’m not gonna lie to you, short stuff. It was a scary time. But your sister has some spunk in her for sure. She’s a tough cookie.”

 

Dipper looks at his grunkle. Stan smiles and rubs against Dippers back. 

 

“You both are.” 

 

* * *

 

  
He really doesn’t feel like going to bed after that. Dipper winds up sitting out on the porch holding a can of Pitt cola. He watches as the fireflies dance in the darkness and he wonders why Gravity Falls has fireflies. Oregon isn’t supposed to have fireflies, is it?    
  


He doesn’t get to think about that for long. The door opens again and Stan plops down right next to him. Dipper feels himself sobering up a little bit as Stan takes a long drink from his own can of Pitt.    
  


“I’m glad you’re doing well, short stuff.”   
  


Dippers chest twinges. He looks at the ground instead of looking back at his uncle. Stan doesn’t seem to mind, though. He keeps talking.    
  


“I was a little worried about you when you were a kid. You and your sister both, even if it was for different reasons. I wasn’t sure how your parents would take to you being a boy, but I’m glad it worked out for you.”   
  


That make Dipper turn around. His brows draw down, pressing together, and he opens his mouth to try and gather his words.    
  


“I -- what?”   
  


Stan blinks at him. 

 

“You... well. You told me you were a boy, one day, when I was trying to wrestle you into your clothes. You were crying so fierce, and you kept saying  _ I’m not a girl,  _ and I… well…  so I said  _ okay  _ and I cut your hair for you. And I started calling you short stuff, until you decided you liked the name Dipper best.

 

And Dipper  _ does _ remember that. He remembers giggling as he sat on a stool in the kitchen, feeling as the sewing scissors that Grandma Pines gave to mom started cutting into his long hair. He remembers the gravelly voice, even if the words were lost, and he remembers watching in satisfaction as his hair slowly started to pile around him. The feeling of how short his hair became was intensely satisfying. 

 

Dippers chest grows warm. 

 

“That was you?”

 

Stan gives a half grin and tips back his can of soda. Dipper starts to smile too, despite himself. 

 

“Yeah. That was me.” 

 

* * *

 

The rest of the summer would be unforgettable. Starting with gnomes and ending with dream demons, it was a summer Dipper would never forget. 

 

But the most unforgettable part of that summer was that very first night. 

**Author's Note:**

> i've been meaning to write a Gravity Falls fic for ages, and by the time I finally get to it, it's been two years since the finale aired. Ah well! C'est la vie.
> 
> This fic is something entirely personal to me. It's a lot of projection, and a lot of trauma processing. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
